My kid is coming home | 08.10.25

My kid is coming home! He has been with his dad since March. Four miserable months, wondering if I would ever get him back. A nightmare I can’t even describe. I’ve never been so happy in my adult life as when I found out my Gavin is coming home . My whole body, my heart, my womb everything unlocked and did like a spiritual happy dance. angels singing, God smiled. ALL that. The utter relief flooding me like fresh warm blood in places that were going cold with fear and anxiety.

And so now, beyond the victory and relief I am flooded with, knowing that he’s coming home, I have to look at being a single mom of a first grader while undergoing chemo. The reality of being a quite-sick-and-single mom. No money. No idea where to begin. IT’S A LOT. The biggest challenge for me is knowing who to care for first. Since he was born, I put him first. Until this chapter. My body and spirit could always wait on the side until I knew his was ok. But now, things have changed. We will both have to get used to this new priority - my body and especially my rest will have to come before most other things, or I will not be able to sustain us.

I will have to go to bed earlier at night so I’m rested when we wake up earlier in the morning in the morning. I will have to hydrate hydrate hydrate myself and Gavin will need a first breakfast school clothes and the pack his backpack for school. On top of all the daily dosing and minding of my body, there will be school and sports and lunches and snacks. We could do all that the night before? The backpack, the clothes… that’s a good idea. I will have to retune my nervous system to caring for him as much as I care for myself, rework my energy to prioritize mothering. Clearly my health is crucial, but so is his. What will it be like for him to return to my lap when I am such a shell of my previous strong self? How will I explain all these awful symptoms and appointments to him. Who will help us when we need it? I’m committed to building a stronger network of support for both of us. Sobriety is paramount. Cancer treatments are non negotiable, and the symptoms relentless and inescapable. How can I keep him thriving in his well deserved childhood wonder and joy while I walk through Hell, without a map?

For now, we will focus on the basics.

To bed earlier

Drink more water

Up by 630

Out by 730

See who can maybe help with the drive to school? His school is 30 minutes from home. That alone sounds impossible right now, five days a week but I KNOW we will figure it out. All I want is him here with me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, from the minute he was born. Letting go of his father was hard and sad, but I will NEVER let go of Gavin ever again. He’s coming HOME.

For now, I will set all these worries aside and drop in to the golden warm puddle of releif, knowing my baby is coming HOME to me.